A friend I work with was taking pictures the other day while I was at working picking one of the girls up & she just posted them on facebook & i was reduced to tears.
before revealing the pictures.. I just wanna say, I know i've worked hard sometimes & sometimes I've slacked like nothing else. I know I was even FATTER than I am in these pictures. The numbers prove it not to mention i feel so much better now than I did before. I FEEL healthier. In many ways that's a trick. I feel healthier, I know I'm working on getting thinner & healthier so there are days when I feel like I'm already there. I sit around with friends or what not & just feel like HEY I look good & I'm getting smaller all the time! Then pictures like this surface and I feel like all that false hope I was giving myself was pointless. I am hurt, by non other than myself :\
The thing that sucks the most is after almost a year of working on it, i feel like I'm NEVER going to be there, where I want to be. I know I'm my own worst enemy, I know I probably look at these pictures and judge myself way more harshly than I should but I just can't help it. & I can't help but thinking now, (remember the before mentioned crush?) that there's no way any guy could ever like me looking like this:
not to mention the fact that my make up was all off my face, my hair was a mess & I was just picking this girl up from work to take her home..
Sigh.
Here's 2 I took the other day of me..
Mind you, both sets of pictures were taken this week.. why is it that I feel like I look better (thinner?) in the second set & just want to cry in pain from the first set..
I skipped working out tonight cuz well, I fell down the stairs & bruised my ass and my wrist.. but after seeing those first set of pictures I wanted to go run my ass off at the gym for the rest of the fucking night.
I'm angry.
I'm hurt.
I'm disgusted.
I...
~erica♥
I know just how you feel. I will be feeling pretty good about myself and my progress and then have my picture taken and feel huge and like I look just as bad as I always have. Makes me realize I have so far to go. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteOh, girl. I totally know how you feel. I've seen pictures of myself that have made my jaw drop and NOT in a good way! That is why I'm beginning my journey (at the age of 21) of trying to lose weight FOR GOOD. It looks like you're doing an awesome job so far with losing 65lbs! That's how much I think I'd like to lose (or around that amount.) May I ask how old you are and if you're on any type of plan? I'm going to be joining Weight Watchers on Wednesday and will be blogging about my experience. I hope you'll follow me along; I'll definitely be following you!
ReplyDeletesSn
http://collegewljourney.blogspot.com/