Last night right before I went to bed I was writing a blog post, in my head - I doubt I remember even half of it but here goes.
I have come to the determination that living a healthy lifestyle is much harder than even I had thought and I already thought it was pretty hard. I thought it was hard but easily do-able, hard only because of missing the things you would once binge on and killing your body when you workout. But in all actuality it's much, much more than that. I have been on this journey for a month and 7 days. I have even written about how off track I was and how I was going to refocus. I did, for about 2-3 days. Then life started getting in the way again, the kids, running around, family/friends visiting whatever. It's not just that it's hard on you, it's that it's an entire awkward fit into your life when you start. You must fine time to workout like you find time to pee (which, as a mom I can say sometimes THAT is far in between) it's awkward because when you go from a life of sedentary activity where you didn't need to worry about fitting it in, to wanting to be better you realize that it takes even MORE time from your day than you get.
I want to workout.
I want to eat healthy.
I want to feel good about myself.
I want to be strong.
I want to be confident.
I want to show myself that hard or not, I am capable of this....
Last night I was debating re-starting my 90 day supreme. I have missed days here that weren't rest days, and done half workout there when I should have completed it to the best that I could. If I restart it now I may be able to help myself salvage this journey, but I fear that if I keep trying to go on the program when I have already made some terrible choices with, I might just continue the path of making those bad choices.
I weighed myself this morning, I was a little afraid to see that number, when I saw that it was 291.0, which is further down STILL from the last time I checked and have probably only worked out twice since then, it made me want to keep going all the more.
I will fall 10,000 times, and I will struggle to keep getting up. At the end of the day, I realize that messing up, getting off track, and the many other roller coaster of emotions and actions through this journey are what makes it so completely worth while when you succeed. Not only for the body you want, or the healthy lifestyle you want, but I can honestly say when I drop the weight I want to or get the strength and stamina that I want to... I will feel like a warrior.
I am doing this to become a warrior. Mentally & Physically, I have no choice but to succeed. Even if the only time I do it 10,001.
~XO
Erica♥
P.S. I know this post sounded similar to my last one, but idc.. I am staying accountable no matter the situation and I MUST get myself back on track some how so I can continue making progress....
