Week 2 wrap up --

So, let me be honest. I've been an emotional wreck lately about my weight. I mean, to the point where my boyfriend watching me get dressed (which should be a normal thing) made me cry. -insert eye roll at myself-.

ANYWAY, about mid week, I was like EFF IT. Stopped tracking and stopped really watching what I was eating, didn't weigh myself for a few days was like 'whatever, weightloss!!!' Well... I decided this morning at the end of my 2nd week to weigh myself and see where I was.. I wasn't honest with myself about it, but if I had gained back weight, I was probably giving up again :\ I know it's horrible to say that, but it is such a struggling battle with yourself when you have extreme weightloss to account for.

So my number, you ask...? Down 2 .6lbs, from last week! For a total in 2 weeks of, 7.4lbs! :) It may not seem like a lot, but to me it made a world of difference! Back on tracking today, tomorrow I'm going to the grocery store and stocking up on healthier options for my house. I really need this change, I need this lifestyle to turn into one I can be proud of. And the idea of being active, it's exciting! I feel like a whole new world of opportunities are just waiting for me...

Coffee Creamer

So... I drink coffee, with A LOT of creamer - that's just how I do. Since I've started tracking, I realize I put 5 tbls in 1 cup of coffee, I usually drink 2 in the am, so this factors into like 350-400 calories ALONE in my morning intake..

I think I need to look for a lower calorie alternative, but I don't know what would do the trick, I love my coffee & I LOVE my creamers!! Any ideas?

The only thing I can think of, is to cut back to 1 cup in the morning, but then I don't know if I could function! :\ lol!

New Beginning...Hopefully?

So I made a post a few days ago, y'know, the normal agony of realizing how far I've let my journey slip, again and again AND AGAIN. We all know how it goes, depressingly enough.

Well today is day 4 since I started, very small scale on the journey, again. I have been tracking everything I'm consuming, bringing my calorie tracking book with me everywhere, and I've tried to incorporate some healthier alternatives. Just in the few days since I've begun, I've gone down 3 lbs. That could be a fluke, but I'm choosing to let it motivate me towards continuing. This journey is so important for me and my health.. Most days I find myself exhausted all day, wanting to do nothing but be lazy and nap after work. It has become a very sluggish feeling that only fuels my emotional decline into my mind - which in turns causes me to emotionally eat everything that makes me feel this way over & over. Eating healthier and being more active will help me to have more energy, to be more positive, to think clearer and be happier. All of us who have been ping ponging with this journey for a while, we all KNOW, LOGICALLY, that it's not just about losing the weight, or 'getting thin' it's about all of the other added bonuses that come with it. I want to have energy most days, as opposed to wishing I could just sleep all the time. I want to be positive as opposed to the negativity not only about my weight but about everything else in general. I want to feel good, even if I don't loose another pound, eating healthier and being active makes me feel great! 3 days in and I can already tell that I'm walking prouder, feeling more feminine, smiling brighter.

I want to keep this.

I want to be even better than this.

So, small scale. Tracking what I eat, counting calories with no real 'set' intake in mind yet, just watching what I consume, and it's already proven to change my eating habits. I want to see less calories in general over time and I want to see healthier alternatives.

 "No, I'll pass on the French fries and have a cup of cantaloupe instead, thank you".

I've been more active, now wait, let's not get carried away, no 'workouts' per say have happened, but I've been doing squats when I have a few extra minutes, trying to keep my body in motion, even if it means just moving my leg back and forth when I'm sitting. Taking the stairs at work instead of the elevator.

Baby steps.

Hopefully, I'll be visiting around here more often again. Blogging about it this time, is for me, not for others or to 'show' people in my life that I'm 'Doing it!'. a part of me feels like it's my own secret for now, I'm tired of feeling defeated about it. So here goes, everything....

/Sigh.

Re-evaluating. Again.

I swear, if I could loose weight with as much as I THINK and DREAM about eating right & being active, I would probably have surpassed my biggest goals.

We all know that's now how it works though..

Self Disappointment....

Really tired of starting over.
Highly disappointed.
All I know is that day in and day out, my weight loss (or lack there of) has been on my mind.

I really need to find a new way to begin, that will help me stick with it & continue....

:) no fancy dancy title.

I don't want to lose weight. I don't want to JUST lose weight. I want to get muscle. I want to be strong. I was looking at this site, it's pretty cool, it shows pictures of actual people at different heights and weights so you can get visuals on what it looks like.. of course I went to my height and looked at all the images of people from the weight I am now, down to the weight I want to be - looking at the images of the people at the weight I want to be, the first words out of my mouth, out loud, "Well I hope I'm a lot more muscular and strong than they look.. I wanna be ripped." hahaha! This journey is NOT just about losing weight, or fitting smaller sizes, yea that's part of it but if I got to my ideal weight and looked like a wet noodle for spaghetti, I wouldn't be happy with that either. I want muscle definition, strength, the ability to do things with my body I would of never dreamed of! I know that it's possible too. If I've learned anything so far on this journey, this time around, it's that your body is capable of so much, you just need to condition it to get there. I'm doing the 30 day plank challenge, in 30 days I hope to be able to do a 5 minute plank.. I'm working my body up to it, pushing it a little more each day, getting myself prepared to do the 5 minutes.. if you slowly ease yourself, push a little harder each time, your body gets stronger.. As I said about my supreme 90 day program, the first time around it was torture, the second time? It's still torture, but I can deal with it a lot better. I can push myself now, when in the beginning even trying anything was pushing. Now I can count reps, now I can force more, and if I started it all over again, I bet I'd be even better.. as I continue I'll get better. If your goal is to do pushups do one today, two tomorrow, three the next day and keep going.. over time you'd be amazed at how many push ups you can do!

This morning I decided to look up the correct amount of fruits and veggies per day I should have, as well as what my caloric intake should be and what my protein intake should be for the workouts I'm doing. - aside from NOT tracking like I should be doing, I KNOW I'm not meeting these goals, and in the long run it will only put more problems on me. So from here on out, I plan to document, to be accountable for everything I am consuming. I'm going to take pictures of everything before I put it into my body.. at the end of the day I hope to blog about everything I consumed and the value it's given me, I know it will get tedious, but it's truly the hardest part of my journey right now and I need to correct it.

My current task is to find different things that will help to up my protein.. my fruits and veggies I can do - but according to what I looked up, the protein I should be getting is not even close to what I am!!

Wrapping this blog up, but I am hoping to get another one in this evening! :)

~XO
Erica♥