Day 28*; Rawr! ♥

Remember yesterday, when I said how I had therapy today? And I also said how, I didn't think we would talk much about my weight loss journey because I didn't feel the need to? Yea.... well apparently SHE did. About half way through my session, she brings up this "lifestyle change" (yea she calls it that too, since that's how i told her about it!) that I'm doing and how it's part of an all new me and how i view things. Then she asks me how I feel about my weight now, as far as being out in society and as I'm sitting there trying so hard to not get emotional about it I kind of laugh under my breath as I try to get out the words "I hate it. I hate being out anywhere -this is where the tears start helplessly falling & my words start to get distorted- I feel like everyone is always looking at me disgusted" That's it. I'm a blubbering mess and as she sits there, feeling sorry for me it only makes me feel worse. I have never, NEVER had to sit face to face with someone and talk to them about how I feel about my weight. Even when I told her about my lifestyle change, I was so nervous and scared and that even went better than this one moment, with this one question did. She starts to ask me if i feel like i can lose the weight and in that moment, I realize that, I REALLY, really do feel like I can. So at the end of that session with her we decided that my lifestyle change will now be something i inform her of on a weekly basis. She wants me to start writing journal entry's for her just about my personal stuff because she feels as though i don't open up enough, she also wants me to write at the bottom of that another entry based around my lifestyle change, what I'm eating, how much I'm exercising. She thinks my weight is also a direct result of the other emotional and mental issues I have going on. I'm actually pretty stoked that she got herself as interested as she did, when I obviously wasn't the one who was going to bring it up with her often.

I went shopping today! I got a new scale and YES of course I weighed myself RIGHT AWAY, but I'm going to wait until Monday, Official Weigh day to post it & change my stats. Although I'm not really sure if I like the scale much.. It seems kinda small which makes me feel even fatter than I am :/ But we will see how it works lol. I also got the body measuring tape! So on the 18th I can be all ready to take new measurements and see if any have changed. I'm not really too sure that they will change but I don't think I'm really worried about it. I also think that I will be joining M @ TheSkinnyOnCarbs with her clothing challenge, since I have already picked out my jeans to challenge myself into. I'm going to go with her date as the date to work to fit into them comfortably!!! The date is SEPTEMBER 10th! That is exactly 4 weeks from today! I can so do this as long as i stick to my plans & working out! :D I'm starting to think that setting small goals & challenges may just be the best way for me to lose weight without rushing it TOO much. Small victories excite me just as much as any large one would. So in order to keep progressing I want to make sure I always have several small goals in order.

Today's Meals!

Breakfast: A half cup of egg whites, activia strawberry banana, Kellogg's special k bar strawberry and 8 oz of orange juice w/ mango
Lunch: I really wasn't hungry, so i had 2 caramel corn rice cakes, cup of grapes and a Breyers yogurt!
Dinner: Ugh! Mcdonalds sandwich & it was absolutely thee worst 770 calories. It was a muchroom and swiss burger ACK! Idk what compelled me to get it. i scraped the mushrooms off & just ate the cheese meat and bun w/ a vitamin water.
Snack: 2 more rice cakes. I'm so in love with these things! lol & they're only 50 calories! wow♥

So today wasn't the healthiest but before I ended up with only using 1,520 calories today. My diet should be a 2000 calorie diet. But I guess some days it happens like this. I didn't workout today. Mainly because I'm still terribly sore from last nights shred! OMG! I did stretch out a lot today & it felt so good. Like, my muscles hurt from working out but it was definitely a really good hurt if that makes any sense lmao I'm really hoping I'm not as sore tomorrow so i can try the shred again ;) RAWR!

~erica♥