First, I'd like to say that i absolutely adore comments! Every time I see that i have new ones, my heart flutters. I think mainly because knowing that people are actually reading what i write & in a way encouraging me on this journey is amazing! But it's also a little because I can be an attention whore & love having new faces to chat with! So, I just wanna say a big THANKS to those of you who are reading & an even bigger THANKS to those who post comments :)
Today I didn't count calories, or get a notepad.. The reason i didn't get the notepad was because while we were out rushing around shopping for my nephews birthday, i totally forgot. SEE! memory loss at 24. sheesh. I didn't count calories because it was such a hectic day, but I did watch what i ate and with some guesstimating tried to stay within range.
I forgot to tell you guys, on Monday when I weighed in.. right afterward my scale batteries died! So i got some new batteries for it today, just in time for tomorrows weigh in (don't get too excited.. I'm actually a little nervous about it)
So we go to my sisters after trying store after store for something to get my nephew. Did i forget to mention this party.. is a pool party? Yea. I bet you're all thinking the same thing I did. Ugh! Well i wasn't even going to bring my bathing suit to begin with, I knew there would be people there i didn't know and surely wouldn't be comfortable around, as well as my (now 14 yr old) nephew would have his friends over and lets be honest, teenagers can be mean. But, my mom told me just to pack it anyways in case i wanted to go for a dip. After we got there i got the kids into their swimsuits and just sat around the pool for a while, until I started thinking about Joy Nash & her famous fantrants. One of them goes into how, we need to live life NOW even at a heavy weight, because saying that we will do this or do that once we lose x amount of lbs means we're postponing life! With her words swirling in my head, i decided to say "Ykno what, It's hot & that water looks amazing! I'm gonna go get my swimsuit on and get in." So i did. Of course as soon as i was out by the pool i jumped in the water, like that's supposed to hide my fat or something lol. It was really nice & refreshing, then of course i felt the dread of actually having to get out! It was time to eat, before they did the cake/ice cream & presents bit. It literally took me about 10 minutes of "as soon as i get out, grab the closest towel i can find and the closest seat i can find, wrap the towel around my arms.." you get the idea. I think that's something i really can't wait to have less of. The constant nagging feeling that people are looking at my weight and are simply disgusted by it. Anyways, i ended up changing back out of my swimsuit not too long after getting out of the pool, i figured hey, i had my fat girl exposed adventure it was time to get back into my comfort zone. A little while into the part after that.. i over heard the word fat. Now what i wanna know is, does this ever do something to you guys? Like make your heart start racing, tears sort of welling up behind your eyes, your mind racing wondering what the whole conversation was even about, and if they are talking about or even worse.. staring at the entirety which is YOU?!
Hearing just the word "FAT" around anyone at anytime puts me in a tailspin of emotions and thoughts. It's almost as if i feel directly insulted even if it wasn't too or about me because, uhm HELLO, I'M FAT! Anyways, i ended up getting over my mini anxiety attack at the word and ended the evening on relatively happy note :)
Even though I'm pretty sure the scale will have either stayed the same, or maybe even went up a little I'm excited about weigh day, and looking forward to my journey once again. Especially, because Monica, over at Confessions of a + Sized Girl has asked me to join with her in having a Very Merry Weigh In on Christmas day. I hadn't posted about it, but i was looking for some type of challenge to motivate myself a little more to get into the groove of this weight loss journey! So this is just what i need to get my ass in gear! She's told me a little bit about her plans for this & I'm so down for it.
Today I didn't count calories, or get a notepad.. The reason i didn't get the notepad was because while we were out rushing around shopping for my nephews birthday, i totally forgot. SEE! memory loss at 24. sheesh. I didn't count calories because it was such a hectic day, but I did watch what i ate and with some guesstimating tried to stay within range.
I forgot to tell you guys, on Monday when I weighed in.. right afterward my scale batteries died! So i got some new batteries for it today, just in time for tomorrows weigh in (don't get too excited.. I'm actually a little nervous about it)
So we go to my sisters after trying store after store for something to get my nephew. Did i forget to mention this party.. is a pool party? Yea. I bet you're all thinking the same thing I did. Ugh! Well i wasn't even going to bring my bathing suit to begin with, I knew there would be people there i didn't know and surely wouldn't be comfortable around, as well as my (now 14 yr old) nephew would have his friends over and lets be honest, teenagers can be mean. But, my mom told me just to pack it anyways in case i wanted to go for a dip. After we got there i got the kids into their swimsuits and just sat around the pool for a while, until I started thinking about Joy Nash & her famous fantrants. One of them goes into how, we need to live life NOW even at a heavy weight, because saying that we will do this or do that once we lose x amount of lbs means we're postponing life! With her words swirling in my head, i decided to say "Ykno what, It's hot & that water looks amazing! I'm gonna go get my swimsuit on and get in." So i did. Of course as soon as i was out by the pool i jumped in the water, like that's supposed to hide my fat or something lol. It was really nice & refreshing, then of course i felt the dread of actually having to get out! It was time to eat, before they did the cake/ice cream & presents bit. It literally took me about 10 minutes of "as soon as i get out, grab the closest towel i can find and the closest seat i can find, wrap the towel around my arms.." you get the idea. I think that's something i really can't wait to have less of. The constant nagging feeling that people are looking at my weight and are simply disgusted by it. Anyways, i ended up changing back out of my swimsuit not too long after getting out of the pool, i figured hey, i had my fat girl exposed adventure it was time to get back into my comfort zone. A little while into the part after that.. i over heard the word fat. Now what i wanna know is, does this ever do something to you guys? Like make your heart start racing, tears sort of welling up behind your eyes, your mind racing wondering what the whole conversation was even about, and if they are talking about or even worse.. staring at the entirety which is YOU?!
Hearing just the word "FAT" around anyone at anytime puts me in a tailspin of emotions and thoughts. It's almost as if i feel directly insulted even if it wasn't too or about me because, uhm HELLO, I'M FAT! Anyways, i ended up getting over my mini anxiety attack at the word and ended the evening on relatively happy note :)
Even though I'm pretty sure the scale will have either stayed the same, or maybe even went up a little I'm excited about weigh day, and looking forward to my journey once again. Especially, because Monica, over at Confessions of a + Sized Girl has asked me to join with her in having a Very Merry Weigh In on Christmas day. I hadn't posted about it, but i was looking for some type of challenge to motivate myself a little more to get into the groove of this weight loss journey! So this is just what i need to get my ass in gear! She's told me a little bit about her plans for this & I'm so down for it.
~erica♥
Good luch with the weigh in. I would LOVE to do that challenge with you girls :)
ReplyDeleteI use to get really paranoid at the gym at my University when I would hear the word "fat" or "huge" because I was clearly the most overweight one in the vicinity. You're so brave for putting on the suit and going out and just doing it! I still haven't taken the plunge in our apartments pool yet, but you being brave just might have spurred me into trying it too :)
ReplyDeleteAfter years of fearing being in a bathing suit I finally just last month swam during the day at a busy public beach. Good for you for doing it too and living your life!!!
ReplyDeleteMy face used to get really hot when I over heard the word fat. I'm cool with it now though. I poke fun at myself for being fat. Not putting myself down, but rather accepting it.